Adopting Another Baby Through Open Adoption

It’s been three years since Kim and I adopted our Son Jacob through Open Adoption.  My wife and I suffer from unexplained infertility.  That’s what the doctors call it when the stars don’t line up and there aren’t enough hormone shots in the world to make them line up.

Its really a surreal experience to not be able to have children how you want, when you want.  But that initial loss lead us down the path of Open Adoption, and eventually resulted in us adopting the world’s greatest kid, Jacob Kent Schrock.

Jake is now three, and tearing around like the wanna-be big boy that he is.  The love I feel for my little guy is more powerful than anything I have ever experienced.

After much discussion with my wife and Jake, it is time for him to become a big brother.  Kim and I are starting the process of adopting our second child, and I want to ask for your help.

How Do Open Adoptions Work?

Open Adoptions are different from the standard, closed adoptions that were the norm up through the 1980’s.

In an Open Adoption, the birthmother selects the family that will receive her child, and a relationship is maintained between the child, birthmother, and the adoptive parents.  This type of adoption is better for the child because they will always know how they came to be, their medical history, and that their birthmother loved them and that the adoption decision was made out of love for the child.

An Open Adoption is the same as a closed adoption in the sense that once the adoption is finalized, the adoptive parents are the legal parents of the child.  However, it is different in the sense that the birthmother gets pictures, phone calls, visits, Christmas presents and other bonding experiences that children in closed adoptions miss out on.

Sometimes adoptive parents are hesitant at first to consider Open Adoption because they are afraid.  Adoption should always be about what is best for the child, and there is no doubt in my mind that Jacob’s Open Adoption will be a relationship he will cherish throughout his life.

How Does the Process Work?

First, we have to locate a birthmother who is considering adoption.  While we prefer an Open Adoption, it is the birthmother’s prerogative to choose the type of relationship she wants to have.

This is a touchy subject because birthmoms make the decision to place a child for adoption for a lot of reasons.  There is a stereotype out there that only drug addicts or lousy parents place their children for adoption. This is simply not true.

Many birthmoms have plans for their futures that did not involve having children at this moment.  Some birthmoms are the victim of sexual assault.  Others simply are not ready for the responsibility of children.

In the adoption process, this search for a birthmother is called networking.  As you might imagine, there is no gathering place where potential birthmothers all hang out and look for adoptive families.  Most birthmothers are found by means of word of mouth.  Someone who knows someone who might be considering adoption.

We were able to adopt Jacob because his birthmother’s mother did a Google search for “adoption in Nebraska.”  The grandmother could not afford to adopt Jacob herself, so when she found our website, she called her daughter and asked her to take a look.  Six days later I cut Jacob’s cord at his birth and we were parents.

This is why I initially said that we need your help.  If you know of a birthmother who is considering placing her child for adoption, please ask her to take a look at our website at http://www.nebraskaopenadoption.com.  Everything about our family is on that website, so she will be able to learn all about us without even having to pick up the phone if she doesn’t want to.

How Do Things Work After Contact?

Typically a birthmother makes the initial contact with the adoptive family.  This can be done through a toll-free number (ours is 888-580-7228), a website, or through an in-person meeting.  It all depends on what the birthmother is comfortable with and her relationship with the adoptive parents.

After the initial introductions are complete and the necessary questions asked and answered, a lawyer is involved in the process.  In Nebraska we hire an attorney to represent us in the adoption process and we also hire a equally competent lawyer for the birthmother.  This second lawyer does not communicate with us or our lawyer and is hired to act in the birthmother’s interests.

Why Are There Lawyers Involved?

It is incredibly important that all of the adoption laws that govern the community where the birth is taking place be followed.  The lawyers are not a replacement for communication between the birthmother and the adoptive parents.

The lawyers are there to make sure that all of the t’s get crossed and the i’s get dotted.  Almost every adoption horror story you hear about in the news is the result of someone taking some kind of shortcut somewhere along the way.  Good lawyers don’t take shortcuts and they prevent mistakes.

For example, someone needs to make sure that the birthmother is not being forced in some way into entering into the adoption.  Someone needs to make sure the birthmother understands that adoption is a permanent arrangement.  Successful adoptions work for everyone involved – the birthmother, the child, and the adoptive parents.  The lawyers make sure that everyone knows what is going on and what is coming next.

Leaving the Hospital

When Jacob was born, we stayed at the hospital with his birthmother until she was discharged.  When we all left and prepared to part ways it was an emotional experience.  We all hugged each other, cried a little, then hugged each other again and then we all went home.

Jake’s birthmother checks in from time to time to see how he is doing, what he is learning, and to share funny stores about how he is so much like his big brother (adopted to a different family).  She is able to give us insights we otherwise would not have had and we recognize her as the mother who gave birth to our son.

We have had three in-person visits since Jacob’s birth, and he instantly recognizes his birthmom when he sees her.  After all, he does see her face almost every day in the pictures we have hanging in his room.

In the past three years Jacob’s birthmom has married, moved out of state, and had a third child.  She and her husband are raising Jake’s half-brother and Kim and I can’t wait for the day when they can play together for the first time.

We Need Your Help

If you know of a potential birthmother who is thinking about placing her child for adoption, please tell her about the benefits of Open Adoption, and that Kim and Thor are seeking a birthmother right now.

Please tell her about our website or ask her to call us directly at 888-580-7228.  We have completed an open adoption before, and we know how the process works.  We can help a potential birthmother learn about the process and then make her own informed decision about the adoption.

Thank you for your help.  Finding Jacob was a miracle in our lives three years ago, and Kim and I are hoping that we might just find another miracle sometime soon.